So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
