I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
