Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
