Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
