I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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