I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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