Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just found a bag of teeth...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
