You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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