White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
