Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
