Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
