Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
