I've blown a few things in my day
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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