There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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