I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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