I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
