i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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