i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
