I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
