Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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