WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
