im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
3pm strippers are depressing
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
