you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
