When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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