mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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