If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
