You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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