grandma shit on top of the toilet
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
