sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What a dumb baby whore.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
