My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
