yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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