It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
