rhymes with "ouble enetration"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
