You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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