Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
