she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize