I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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