I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
