i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
