I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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