you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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