There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
