checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
