At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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