At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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