My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I fill condoms, not promises.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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