so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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