Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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