Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
