he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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