Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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