Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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