Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The best revenge is premature balding
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Randomize
