i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
