Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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