??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
