I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
