My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
