This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
