He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
