Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
