Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
