I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
