no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
