I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
