Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
