lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
