I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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