so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
