when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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