What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
