So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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