Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
