Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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