This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
