Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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