Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think your dad took our porno
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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