I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
