we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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