I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
