shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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