Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
God I need to hump something, right now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
