you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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