I'm jealous of your bromance
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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