I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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