Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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