These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
