she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
