i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize