My bed is full of blood and feathers
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
