If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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