i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
