jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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