I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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