You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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