flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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