Me. At least after what I've been through.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
