i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My ATM looks so different sober.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
