So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
