Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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